Reaching Out: Solution to Our Fears

As a therapist who just recently made a leap towards opening a private practice (Marta Kem Counseling, LLC), I started experiencing the very thoughts and feelings of inadequacy, and even loss, that I thought I processed and moved on with. In a way, I should have expected some of these feelings to emerge, knowing that every time we do something new and unfamiliar, fear gets activated in us, and we start questioning ourselves, our abilities, and our motives. Hence, to think that we can magically “resolve” the insecure feelings and walk confidently towards new experiences, is unreasonable. Fear is real and valid. What we do with that fear and how we perceive it with relation to ourselves and others is what matters and makes us stronger. My clinical experiences in providing Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, have taught me that sharing our fears, insecurities, and doubts with others is what disempowers fear, soothes it, and gives us strength. Coincidently, at the time of writing this post, my fellow therapist sent me this video featuring Thich Nhat Hanh. In his interview with Oprah, he talked about four moving mantras we can all practice whether we are with someone or alone. Interestingly enough, these mantras are at the very foundation of the therapeutic model of EFT that I use with the couples who come to see me for couples and marriage counseling/therapy. All of the couples that I treat shared with me their longings for the other partner to be there for them, and their desire to be acknowledged and understood. In my EFT session, I teach couples not only how to be present with each other, but also how to reach for one another at the times of suffering, distress, or fear. I help couples understand that the reach is what brings the relief and comfort. I am fortune enough to have a spouse who understands my fears, and at the very times of my distress, he is simply present and available to me. By doing so, he is reassuring me and giving me confidence—without telling me what actions I need to take or solutions I need to find. By writing this post, I am sharing my fears with you, making a reach, and promoting something that we are all afraid of showing and talking about—vulnerability. Thich Nhat Hanh’s 4 Mantras – Super Soul Sunday – Oprah Winfrey Network


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